Every Day We Have These Two Essential Choices To Make
React in flagrance or respond with fragrance
A dove spreads its wings in light. Created using Canva.
Nothing takes as much effort in life as mercy. If you’re familiar with the Christian gospels, you’ll know that Jesus instructed us to “love [our] enemies, and pray for those who persecute [us].” Most of us have heard this verse at least once in the United States. What was the reasoning behind it, though?
Well, Jesus spoke further about this during His Sermon on the Mount: “For if you love only those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even tax collectors do that?”
Consider political tribalism. If two or more parties splinter off so deeply, that respect among them becomes an impossibility, they will only show love to those who echo their ideas (beliefs) and hate those who oppose them. Once too much time has passed in this way. They act like enemies rather than neighbors having a dispute.
I’m not interested in discussing politics, though. I prefer examples from more relatable sources than the ethereal and theory-saturated political moods—road rage, customer escalations at your job, roommates who hog the kitchen. These are real, daily conflicts. On the other end of those examples, are other people.
Every day, we’re confronted with two choices:
React in flagrance
Respond with fragrance.
How to be kind to others
When you’re wronged by someone else, do you curse at them? Or do you accept their flaws, recognize the spirit that operates the person, and pray that their eyes may be opened?
Minds will never loosen up through greater friction. Our instincts tell us to fight back whenever we feel attacked. And those instincts shoot us down a vicious cycle.
In Joe Burton’s book, Creating Mindful Leaders, he describes a mindfulness technique called the “SBNRR Practice.”
Stop: “Whenever you feel triggered, stop and catch yourself.”
Breathe: “Bring your attention to your breath to relax yourself.”
Notice: “Get a clearer experience of your emotions. Pay attention to your body.”
Reflect: “Remind yourself that this person wants to be happy, just like you.”
Respond: “Consider how to respond to create a more positive outcome.”
Mercy is the answer, not retaliation. We must wait for our emotions to pass, so that our thinking brain may have time to respond. Choice over compulsion. Choose to respond, not react from compulsion.
How I use mercy in the hospitality industry
Returning to Jesus Christ’s Sermon on the Mount, He preached that we show mercy to others:
“Blessed are the merciful, because they will receive mercy.”
Matthew 5:7
Reflect on this last step from the previous technique: “Respond to create a more positive outcome.”
The focus should not be to win an argument, and it certainly shouldn't be to “put someone in their place.” Healing is the goal. How can all parties involved in this interaction walk away with dignity and respect?
As a hospitality manager, I often experience guest escalations. These range from a quadrant of resort responsibility to straight-out high emotions for which reasons we’re not always directly responsible. In general, the best way to resolve these interactions is by kindly speaking to the situation in truth, and not reacting to the raised emotions of your transgressor (not advised).
My job is the testimony of servitude in action. Day in and day out, I practice the art of showing mercy to those who use methods of passive aggression, deceitful accusations, mischievous manipulation, and the good old yell-in-your-face technique, to obtain compensation and take anything from you they can. Is it hard to show people like this mercy? Absolutely! That’s why the turnover in hospitality is so damn high!
Mercy is difficult. I’m sad to say, that many of my transgressors carry cross necklaces, openly displayed around their necks. That’s disappointing for me as a Christian, that so many of them don’t equally practice mercy in their daily lives. To commit your life to Christ, and follow in His way, means more than choosing a side and having apologist debates about the theory of God and His scriptures.
Once you commit to the art of mercy, you will start to see ways in which mercy comes back to you. These are like mini gifts from God, as rewards for heavenly behavior.
I once hosted a woman who spun anything, no matter if it was positive, into a negative perspective. We had so many conversations about the resort, from amenities to accommodation to availability. Every time I saw her walk back into the lobby, I briefed myself on her list of complaints. Then I breathed. I focused on my emotions and remembered that I must be calm and empathetic. She’s here at this resort because she seeks rest. She hopes she will find peace here by the poolside, at the beach, or from her balcony. It’s hiding somewhere in this place. It’s my opportunity to reveal that peace is waiting for her at any moment. All she must do is accept it. If that moment happens while she’s here, mission accomplished!
Then, she came to the front desk at the end of her stay. I braced myself for another meteor shower, and she told me, “Thank you so much for making this the best vacation in years. You came through with the extra nights in that beautiful room. But your kindness made the difference.”
And exhale.
She was beaming. I never thought I would see a smile rest on her face. But she found it. Even if only for a while, she found peace.
If you hold on long enough, your “enemies” become friends. Nothing sticks in the mind of humans more than selflessness served to those who may not have deserved it.
Mercy is humanity in practice
The beauty of mercy is that your response gives God time to work on that person’s heart. Your mercy can open the channel that allows His healing waters to mend wounded souls.
When we’re confronted with flagrant behavior, we have two choices: React in flagrance or respond with fragrance.
…
If you enjoyed this article, please follow me and consider sharing this story with someone who might profit from it. Until then, your thoughts and commentary are always eagerly anticipated!
