Why You Should Stop Blocking Life’s Pain and Practice These Principles Instead
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I experienced a revelation when I watched The Secret World of Walter Mitty the other day. It all starts with Walter, who works a boring job at an exciting company: LIFE. He processes the photos that cover the front pages of the paper magazines. I used to be compared to Walter by friends who enjoyed the film. And I used to think he was an admirable character until now, after re-watching it. Here’s how Meriam Webster defines his character.
Walter Mitty Syndrome: a commonplace unadventurous person who seeks escape from reality through daydreaming.
Growing up, I endured a dynamic range of environments from being locked away in a small apartment with no sense of personal space, to becoming the red-headed step-child in a step-family of ex-convicts and rowdy ruffians who (emotionally and especially physically) hurt people for their enjoyment.
Unsurprisingly, I grew up harboring an immense imagination that blurred the lines between reality and fiction. Much like how we’re left to question whether certain parts of the movie are happening in Walter Mitty’s head or are truly occurring, I often struggled to decipher where my imagined world ended and the shared reality with others began. I traveled to Germany, spoke fluently to the natives, and became a guitar legend, exhibiting my secret and vibrant imaginary world with everybody on stage across Europe. Then the period bell rang, and German class was over. Off to Physics!
Fast forward to adulthood, and now you have new problems. Colleges are vast playgrounds for dreamers. Some dreamers manifest their dreams through self-discipline and intuition—because they study for lucrative degrees. Meanwhile, others (such as myself) dwell in suspended animations, “discovering” the links between brain functions by wandering through fanciful philosophy books of eccentric academics like Albert Camus and Allen Watts, who wedged together their ideas with persuasive logic and assertive literature. How do these things relate to a career? They don’t. Ring! Ring!
I realize now that the link between Walter Mitty’s syndrome and a substance abuser is slim—the former just causes less damage to the brain. Both parties escape their realities because they’re bored with their lives or can’t endure the pain of reality any longer. So they use their imagination or a drug to re-invent the world around them into something that they can control.
What they control, however, is the world of their invention. If they don’t stop to pull their head out of the water, they’ll drown in it.
My revelation is this:
Reality frequently contradicts our thoughts
Life delivers inevitable pain
Why do we run from our problems?
Have you ever dreamt about where you want to be, or what you want in life? It feels achievable while it’s still in your head. You have a vision. Your next step is to manifest those thoughts into reality through two simple steps:
Make a plan
Take action
A lot of us sincerely enjoy the process phase. We scheme up plans enough to fill a playbook. We can spend days theorizing and drafting on a notepad, months even.
But action?
Action is where things become difficult. Because at this stage you may realize that your plans need to change and adapt to your challenge.
Makes sense: How could I accurately anticipate every detail of something I’ve never accomplished before?
It’s here, where suffering sneaks in. Your plans didn’t match reality. So you have some choices:
Adapt your plans and pivot your actions
or
Retreat from your failures to somewhere deep into your subconscious
The first option glides over the pain, while the second option induces suffering. We often react to suffering like our friend, Mr. Walter Mitty, through chronic daydreams that distract us (and our memory) from our failures. Those failures will fester without proper care. When our failures clump into giants and can no longer be ignored, we fear to face them because they’re too big for us to handle alone.
Although, it should never have to get that far.
Through pain comes growth
In the gospel of John, Jesus gathers His disciples and foretells His death. He says that the world will rejoice at His death since they hate Him, but His disciples will weep. In the same breath, He says to them, “But your sorrow will be turned to joy.”
He explains why they will cease their weeping and begin rejoicing, through this parable.
“A woman, when she is in labor, has pain because her time [to give birth] has come; but when she has given birth to the child, she no longer remembers the anguish because of her joy that a child has come into the world.”
John 16:21
Like a woman in labor, Jesus endured physical torment until He gave birth to new life, eternal life. This parable of the woman in labor, when compared to the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, also reflects our struggles and sufferings. If we endure the pain and push through, we will no longer flinch at the pain that came before the joy we now have.
In general, we can’t progress until we abandon our old ways and adopt new ways, much like the acquisition of knowledge. For example, you can’t learn someone’s name is Jessica if you hold onto your bias that they look more like a Rebecca.
If we’re stuck, it’s likely because we’re holding onto something, which prevents us from transcending to the next level.
Similarly, you can’t know joy if you grapple with habits that cause you sorrow and suffering. You must abandon those habits before you may fully dress yourself in joy. Whatever severance needs to occur, is worth it.
Change your mindset from suffering to hope
Let’s understand this parable to its completion. The important question to ask yourself is who and what Jesus represents. First, let’s look at the final verse in this passage.
“So for now you are in grief; but I will see you again, and [then] your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take away from you your [great] joy.”
John 16:22
The disciples will experience grief, the birthing pains, because their messiah will die. But He will die from His old self, and reincarnate into His new, heavenly body. He conquers the pain, and He is birthed anew. He turns anguish into joy.
Jesus Christ is hope. Hope endures the trials and the hardships, and hope overcomes the night and shines through the darkness until the dawn of the new day, long enough to bring joy.
Joy heals grief and stress; it is the reward for our endurance. Like the flames and tears on our muscles, when they endure repetitious stress. In the following days, new muscles are made and we’re stronger for enduring it.
Unlike happiness, which is a fickle (though cherished) emotion, joy is a mood. And contrary to emotions, moods can be sustained, so long as we care for them.
Hope will never fail as long as you never fail to hope. Instead of ruminating on failures, or escaping them, consider these things to fill your mind:
“…whatever is pure and wholesome, whatever is lovely and brings peace, whatever is admirable and of good repute; if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think continually on these things.”
Philippians 4:8
Mentality is everything. We must remain present, reflect on our victories, and continually fill our spirit with peace by focusing on the praise-worthy wins that pull us through another attempt, another hardship, another season, and another adventure. That is how you sustain joy amid distress.
Life is a battle between attacks of stress and harrow, and counter-attacks of peace and excellence. We are active agents for channeling peace. Peace sprouts from choices in how we frame situations, and what details we magnify. When we are hurt, we may either amplify the hurt or find the lesson in the pain, and give praise to God for the wisdom we’ve received.
Escapism keeps us ignorant, whereas groundedness in the present prepares us for wisdom. Like water in a spring, the rocks divide the flow. The river does not stop to question why they’re in the way. Instead, the stream stays its course and dances around the rocks, unaffected, and reaches its destination.
Final thoughts on German class
Whatever happened to that teenage boy in German class, lost to his adventures overseas? Did he make it to his destination?
Although I never fully learned German or made it as a rockstar in Europe, I became fluent in French and Spanish, and, a few years after graduating high school, I studied abroad in Madrid and bought my authentic Spanish-made classical guitar.
The teenage dreamer finally played his guitar music in shops and the streets for the public of Europe.
However, this was a personal pleasure. My true goal is to spread peace through my music and my words. That boy in German class grew up into an adult, who values thinking on what is lovely and what brings peace. His goal as an adult changed from playing abroad in Europe to creating a tranquil space where anyone can enter, no matter where you are in the world.
He went from a dreamer lost in his universe to a man who actioned this beautiful peace and stress relief mission.
